The Power of Feedback Without Judgement

Jessica, a student teacher was telling about her class, twelve year-olds in their first term, in their first year, in a selective high school. Bright kids, their first major assignment was demanding. Jessica had their papers to mark over the weekend. She decided not to give a mark out of ten, instead she would write comments that students could use to improve performance. She explained that research had shown a significant difference in student responses to marking. If a score alone is given, good students stay about the same and poor students get worse. When a mark and comments are given, all students stay about the same. Yet when comments alone are given all students improve. Jessica knew that to her students, fresh and fragile in a whole new academic scenario, a mark would be interpreted as judgement, at best satisfying at worst destructive; while a comment could be used as constructive feedback. She knew that the secret of assisting others to achieve lies in the power of feedback without judgement.


Judgement In a Mentoring Relationship

Judgement in a mentoring relationship can:

• Reduce rapport
• Provoke emotional responses
• Create resistance and resentment

Rapport

Mentoring is a partnership, a collaborative relationship that fosters insight and growth for both parties. So rapport is esential. Rapport means connecting, being on the same wavelength and feeling neither superior nor inferior. Judgement elevates the status of one at the expense of the other. It implies the values of one, in terms of what is good/bad, right/wrong, worthwhile or not, must predominate. It infers an imbalance of status and power in the relationship. No one likes being talked down to.

Emotions

Mentoring is about lowering barriers, feeling safe to disclose thoughts and feelings. However, excessive emotion is a barrier to communication. Judgement is a threat to our ego. Insecurity invokes defensiveness that may arouse emotions of fear, anxiety or anger. Stress responses disrupt the brain's information processing. When emotional energy is channelled into defensive behaviours it is unavailable for creativity, problem-solving or decision-making.


Resistance

While mentorees want advice, ideas and guidance, they often resist instruction. Words like "should", "must" and "ought" convey judgement and alienate people. Research on the impact of direction found that when given advice by an authority figure (e.g.supervior,parent) 25% took the suggestion and tried to apply it, 18% did the oppsite of the suggestion and 57% did nothing different!

Feedback

Feedback exposes a blind spot, the recipient ventures into the unknown. Willingness to learn is risky business. As a wise and trusted guide, the mentor fills the void with information, opinions and ideas based on their own experience. Facts rather than suppositions allow informed decision-making. Advice is offered, not imposed. Options are explored. Feedback then may be heard, valued and used.

Mentoring - A Non-Judgemental Relationship

Listening without judgement builds essential rapport. Feedback, without judgement is empowering. Both are learned skills, both enable the mentoree to make their own decisions and plans with support and guidance and both create a communication style that can enhance any relationship. What if we listened and spoke to everyone this way?

This article is an extract from Mentoring Tips Volume 2. Mentoring Tips are one-page, informative and easy to read. Receiving Mentoring Tips on a regular basis:

• Provides mentors with ongoing information, tools and motivation:
• Keeps participants engaged in the process; and
• Informs managers of mentoring techniques and benefits