The Truth About Mentoring

A Secret
Mentors generally volunteer for their role for all the right reasons. Many high achieving professionals like to "give something back". Contributing to the development of others through mentoring is an honoured tradition. Yet, there is a well-kept secret about mentoring that may come as a shock to some or be no surprise at all for others when they discover it.

Beyond Professional Development
Certainly, mentoring calls upon interpersonal skills and communication styles that are highly valued in today's leaders. Mentoring a professional colleague can be stimulating and energising. It challenges you to reflect and discuss new perspectives and ideas. So mentoring offers an opportunity for mentors to develop attributes that will benefit them professionally. However, I believe that mentors can gain as much, if not more than those that are mentored, from the relationship and the reward is much greater than personal satisfaction or a career advantage.

More Advantageous Than Leverage And Status

Mentoring brings with it a certain status and respect. Mentors are recognised as wise men and women, with knowledge and experience worth sharing. Whether they know it or not, choose to use it or not, mentors are mavens who have influence, link into networks and can leverage knowledge. This, however, is not the secret that enriches the lives of those who mentor or are mentored.

The Power Of Relationship

Mentoring is a unique relationship. It is like other relationships, yet unlike other relationships. It is personal and professional. It is at once intimate, caring even loving yet dispassionate, calm and neutral. It creates a safe space for both the mentor and the one mentored to open themselves to discovery.

It is in relationships that we discover our identity. Learning how alike and unlike others we are. Becoming less judgemental so that we can compare and simply notice how similar or different our values, beliefs and choices can be. Offering opinions and realising that they may not be accepted, gives us, literally, a sounding board. And, as we bounce ideas around in conversation, a sureness about who we are develops. Greater certainty about our own values provides a sense of security and confidence in our decision-making. It becomes easier to be assertive, rather than defensive and aggressive when faced with the contrary views of others. This can reduce stress and allow us to operate more effectively in all other relationships.

And, yet there's more. Something happens to you when you sit with another with no personal agenda other than to be there for them. Being absolutely present for someone else. Reining in rampant thoughts about what to say and how to advise. Resisting the urge to answer questions immediately or tell them what to do. Instead, being still and silent inside while you simply facilitate the process that enables the other person to explore and examine an issue, a decision or a goal, empowers you as well as them. This empowerment bathes you both in a warmth like healthy sunshine. It's a life-giving glow that continues to radiate and effect all it touches.

Not merely "warm-fuzzy" sentimentality but scientific reality. Psychiatrist, paediatrician and educator, Daniel Seigal in his latest work, The Mindful Brain, tells us, based on research: "attuned relationships promote resilience and longevity". The truth is, mentoring is a gift you give, that gives as much to you as the recipient. That's how mentoring works.