Positive Feedback

Positive feedback! How surprised was I when I went to a new dentist the other day for a routine check and clean and experienced something I never have before. The dentist told me I was doing a good job taking care of my teeth and gums! Now, it’s true I have been making a bit of an extra effort this year but in the past the comments from other dentists have been “you need to floss more”, or “your condition means you really must be diligent” etc. and I’ve left feeling chastised and guilty. What a difference! And guess what? Which feedback do you think is more effective in producing the desired results? 

It’s true that we need negative feedback sometimes. John Gottman talks about a magic ratio of 3:1. We need three bits of positive feedback for each one of negative, to flourish. I heard Dr Matthew White, of Teach For Australia, speak on positive psychology last year at the AAGE conference. He supports the 3:1 idea. He used the metaphor of a yacht. Positive feedback is like the wind in our sails that keeps us moving forward and negative feedback is like the keel that keeps us on course.

Appreciative Inquiry (AI) which focuses on the positive in any situation, has earned a worthy place in strategic planning and personal coaching. It replaces the traditional SWOT analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) with SOAR - strengths, opportunities, aspirations and results.

If you want to explore these ideas further I recommend:

The Thin Book Of SOAR – Building Strengths-Based Strategy by Jacqueline Stavros and Gina Hinrichs and Apreciative Coaching, A Positive Process For Change by Orem, Binkert and Clancy.

In the meantime, I’m monitoring the feedback I give myself as well as others! Oh, and I’d better write a note to my new dentist and thank him!