The inspiration, the ideas and the influence that come from people and books dance with what is already in your mind. This dynamic interaction is what makes you unique. And, it is what allows you to grow and change.
I had a wonderful evening of conversation with a dear friend recently. We have divergent views on politics. Yet I find myself able to express my views passionately, hear his reasoning and enjoy the process. It’s not an argument, emotion does not block communication, actually it enhances it. Opinions are seen for what they are, belief based on knowledge and experience, not fact. I learn and so does he, so both our thinking expands. We each have new data to take into account when decisions are made but we do not have to change our personal convictions to remain friends and no love is lost because we’ve strongly stated our thoughts and feelings. We each go away and reflect. As we do so, perhaps our opinions will change, perhaps not but our minds have been expanded and will never be the same again.
Conversations, where people express strongly held views that differ from your own can be extraordinary. Science is now showing that difference, dissent and discordant views actually make us smarter*. The trick is to have a dialogue where emotion does not get in the way, where each really listens to the other with interest and respect. This is not a game of “agreeing to disagree”. This is a conversation where agreement is irrelevant, where a joint decision is not necessary and opinions do not have to match. Therefore no one has to “win” or “lose”. That said, if we were better at this kind of conversation, when we do have to reach agreement or make a joint decision, the quality of the outcome and the relationship would be better.
The problem is few of us are able to practice such conversations. Mentoring is one place you can.
The dynamic of the mentoring conversation (shown below) involves eliciting information and imparting it, supporting and challenging each other.
Mentoring builds a relationship where thoughts and feelings, facts and opinions are expressed in safety. A dialogue where people listen and are heard. It enables reflection before action. With a focus on outcomes, it encourages contemplation of consequences. This is why mentoring produces better decisions, goal achievement and life balance for those mentored and mentors too. They each become more skilled in the art of the mentoring conversation and transfer these skills into other workplace and personal relationships. Mentoring literally changes your mind!
* www.ted.com looks at Noreena Hertz: "How to use experts and when not to".
2 comments:
Yes mentoring works, because i have benefited immensely from it. so i believe it works, but i could have either negative and positive consequences so be ware
Hey - I am certainly delighted to find this. Good job!
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